The Stranger

Your answers clustered around identity. That means the statements you agreed with most were the ones about not being able to describe yourself without mentioning someone else.

This is common and it makes sense. You spent a long time as half of something. Decisions got made jointly for so many years that a lot of what you'd call your preferences were actually shared ones, and now that the pair has come apart you're left holding a set of tastes and habits without knowing which of them were ever really yours.

It shows up in small ways. A pause before answering what you're into. Saying "we" and then correcting it.

None of this means anything is wrong with you. It means the reference point you were using is gone and you haven't built a new one yet.

Left alone it tends not to resolve on its own. What usually happens is you borrow an identity from whatever's closest. Work, mostly. Sometimes the children, who tend to notice eventually.

If any of that landed, it's worth a conversation. Half an hour, no charge, and no obligation at the end of it. I'll ask you some questions and you can decide whether talking to me regularly would help.

I'm Trevor. My own marriage ended after twenty-four years, about eight years ago, and I spent a good while in the state you just read about. Now I coach men through this.