The Performance
Your score came out highest on the statements about how you present to other people.
What that suggests is a gap between how you're doing and how you appear to be doing, and that you're maintaining that gap on purpose. Most men in your position do. It isn't dishonesty. It's a reasonable response to a situation where being visibly not okay felt like it would cost you something.
You said you've told someone recently that you were fine when you weren't.
The performance itself isn't the concern. Men have run that for generations and most come through it. What's worth knowing is what happens after a year or two of it. People stop asking, because you answered convincingly, and the support that would have been there quietly withdraws. Then if there's a point where you do want to say something, you find there's nobody positioned to hear it.
That's the part that's harder to undo than the performance was to start.
If any of that landed, it's worth a conversation. Half an hour, no charge, and no obligation at the end of it. I'll ask you some questions and you can decide whether talking to me regularly would help.
I'm Trevor. My own marriage ended after twenty-four years, about eight years ago, and I spent a good while in the state you just read about. Now I coach men through this.